Behold Your Mother

John 19:16-27

So he delivered him over to them to be crucified.

So they took Jesus, and he went out, bearing his own cross, to the place called The Place of a Skull, which in Aramaic is called Golgotha. There they crucified him, and with him two others, one on either side, and Jesus between them.  Pilate also wrote an inscription and put it on the cross. It read, “Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews.”  Many of the Jews read this inscription, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and it was written in Aramaic, in Latin, and in Greek.  So the chief priests of the Jews said to Pilate, “Do not write, ‘The King of the Jews,’ but rather, ‘This man said, I am King of the Jews.’”  Pilate answered, “What I have written I have written.”

When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took his garments and divided them into four parts, one part for each soldier; also his tunic. But the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom, so they said to one another, “Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be.” This was to fulfill the Scripture which says,

“They divided my garments among them,

    and for my clothing they cast lots.”

So the soldiers did these things, but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.  When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!”  Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.

In his gospel, John wants to primarily focus on the crucifixion of Jesus and the final week of Jesus’ life takes up almost half the book.  John documents three times that Jesus spoke as He hung on the cross.  The first of these is our meditation this morning.  In the climactic section of a book that is obviously focusing its attention on the death of Jesus and all that that expresses about the nature of God, we are struck to hear this relatively mundane settlement being made.  

“Woman: here is your son…Here is your mother.”

In the middle of this climactic moment King Jesus is caring for his mom.  And the Holy Spirit through the Apostle John wants us to notice that.  Why?  Through Jesus solicitude for His mother, we will be impressed with the importance of children honoring their mothers.

“From the pulpit of His Cross Jesus preached a sermon on the Fifth Commandment.” – James Denney

Before we speak of honoring our mothers, we have a couple of questions that will be difficult to answer with certainty.  To start: we know that Jesus had brothers; then why did Jesus assign John to care for his mother?  

Well, we perceive from chapter 7 that Jesus’ brothers were unsympathetic, even skeptical, about Jesus’ mission.  As He dies in Jerusalem, they’re presumably still at their home in Capernaum.  

But Mary is here, with Jesus.  Her presence implies support for Jesus’ calling.  She’s not just a concerned mother; she seems also to be a disciple, and this is confirmed in the first chapter of Acts, when she gathers with the apostles to wait and pray. 

So, at this point Mary and her other sons are going in two different directions, and the road that Mary is on has made her a target for mistreatment; perhaps initially even her sons will keep their mother at a distance.     

The other major question has to do with the timing: why does Jesus wait until now to arrange John to care for Mary?  Why didn’t He take John aside in a calmer moment earlier that week?  

Or, why not arrange this later? – after all three days later He’ll rise from the dead, and it won’t be for 40 days until He ascends to Heaven.  

Why link Mary and John together at this dramatic moment, especially when speaking will be so laborious?  

And I think the main answer must be taken from the prologue of John: As in no other place, at the cross of Jesus we beheld his glory… full of grace and truth.  (John 1:14)

A FACET OF THE GLORY OF JESUS IS HIS BEING THE PERFECT HUMAN, HERE DEMONSTRATED BY HIS TAKING THOUGHT OF HIS MOTHER EVEN AT THE POINT OF DEATH.  

At Calvary much is accomplished, and we are taught much, including the high calling of being responsible for our mothers.  

We who are adult disciples of Jesus are provided an example in caring for our mothers.  Lest we miss the point, it’s repeated in the letter of 1 Timothy 5.  In that section of his letter Paul gives Timothy instructions about which widows the church is responsible to support.  

Paul says, not every window, not these widows: “if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.”  (1 Timothy 5:4)

“Let them FIRST learn to show godliness to their own household.  Before you set out to save the world, before even you lay down your lives over time for your Church, ask this: is mom ok?  

I don’t have to tell you how backwards it is when people rate you so highly – how fun, how interesting, how intelligent, how spiritual, how helpful, how giving – but at home your family members experience you as moody and selfish.  

When I think of the setting of denying myself, taking up the cross, and following Jesus, my first thought shouldn’t be of Africa, but of 12 Colonial Drive, Somers.  Do I treat my family members kindly – leaving the next person plenty of hot water for the shower, conversing without sarcasm, not constantly burying my attention into a screen?  

Let [the children or grandchildren] first learn to show godliness to their own household and TO MAKE SOME RETURN TO THEIR PARENTS.  

Now if this phrase isn’t a justification for Mother’s Day, what is it?  Because the Spirit is summoning us to recall what our parents, and in this context, particularly our mothers, have done for us.  And then with all that fresh in our minds we in turn care for them.  

We’re often told things more than once, and that’s true here – The Proverbs says, “Let her who bore you rejoice” (Proverbs 23:25).  Remember – mom carried you for nine long months; the first three months she was sick all the time!  

So don’t be an oaf, don’t take their pains for granted… make their labors worthwhile!  Make your mom happy – she’s gone through so much for you.

I’ve been a close and interested spectator to five pregnancies and I can bear witness that they are arduous, uncomfortable, tiring.  

And then the labor comes –  I’ve seen it as painful, pangs shooting all around.  Forcing you to bend over and pant.  

And then Baby comes.  I read a review of a history of motherhood, in which the writer talks about “the broken and intense early days of new parenthood, when days and nights run together in one long, blurry present.”  

And after that first stage, a lot of busyness at home:

Meals made.  

Help with homework.

Laundry done.

Thinking through schedules.

Hauling you around.

Cheering for you at sports.

Attending recitals.

Wrapping presents.

Making holidays special.

Decorating.

Tending you while you’re sick.

Pushing you out of what’s comfortable.

Praying for you.

Praying with you.

Staying up late to talk.  Giving counsel.

Putting up with your friends and first girlfriends/boyfriends

Praying for you.  Praying for your jobs.  Your career.

Worrying over you.

Then worrying over your kids. Your parenting.  

Then babysitting the grandkids.

Feeding the grandkids snacks.

Throughout all, there have been sacrifices – perhaps career has been given up or at least placed on hold.  Perhaps your mom was a free spirit, or an intellectual, or particularly driven in one way or the other, and yet the demands of motherhood have forced her away from some of this and into a mold she wouldn’t have chosen before.  

It’s tough to live the bohemian lifestyle while wiping rear ends, cleaning floors, paying bills.  

It’s tough to read Jean-Paul Sartre and Ron Chernow and the Economist on 4 hours of sleep.  

It’s tough to climb the career ladder while there are two or three teenagers that require a lot of spiritual formation.

And so mom keeps going, ok.  It’s not mainly about me now.

And one more thing about moms, as contrasted with dads.  Some children grow up in good families – and so they do remember their dad being around, providing a good and upright and authoritative presence among the family.  But though they’re thankful for dad, they remember specific moments by themselves with their mom.

Dad and us.  Mom and me.  

Mom had time for me.  In fact, think most children, I’m sure she loved me the most.  

Staying up late listening to music with mom.  In the backyard with mom.  In the kitchen cooking with mom.  Talking with mom.  

There’s something about the connection with mothers that goes to the core of our individuality.  A few years ago Tom Brokaw was interviewing a WWII veteran who observed: “You know there’s a fallacy people think that when a man is dying. They don’t ask for God. The last word they say before they die is ‘Momma.’”  

What mothers have done for us, and perhaps even more, who mothers have been for us – the list could go on and on.  But let’s keep the point in view: Remember these things and make some return for them. 

Don’t take the gifts of mothers for granted.  You’re in their debt.  If the opportunity arises, pay down the debt.  

Mothers deserve our gratitude and respect and, if the situation calls for it, our care!  What to say about the nature of that care though?  Let’s go back to Jesus speaking from the cross: He said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!”  Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.

Observe there are two people given instructions here, not one.  He first speaks to Mary – Woman, look at your son.  

And only after he speaks to Mary does He then address John.  Imagine if He’d not spoken first to Mary – what would be the impression?  Mary, you have no say in the matter; Mary you’re weak and incapable.  Mary – I’ll make my plans with John and he’ll tell you what I’ve decided.  

No! Mary is given the dignity of being directed herself by the Lord.  She is not following John to his home; she is following the Lord’s direction.  She and John together agree for her to go to John’s home.

Note that Jesus doesn’t provide a lot of detail to Mary and John.  Look at your son…look at your mother.  By these terse words He establishes a relationship; by command he places them in the same family.  Now (it’s implied), attend to that relationship.  

Then Mary and John are given freedom in which to work out the details of that relationship.  

There is mutuality and dignity here.  I’m emphasizing this to steer us away from the impression that Mary’s freedom is taken over by John.  

And here is how John describes the result of this arrangement: And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.  

Did she go to live with John’s family?  If so, did she live with them only until her other sons came around? 

Well, I think we can confidently say Mary was in John’s home for as long as she needed.  

Mary, my mother, you’re not going to be left alone; you’re not going to go without.  You’re welcome in my own home.  John places the extra “own” in there to make his point.

And so, what is the nature of the gratitude and respect and care that a son gives to his mother?  And it boils down to this:  I got you.  You got me.  We’re in this together.  And if the situation ever calls for it, for as long as you want, as long as you need, as long as I’m able, you’ll be with us, with me, in my own home.    

I read somewhere that Britain has appointed a Minister of Loneliness to deal with what people are calling a crisis of loneliness.  They conducted studies in the country and determined that more than 9 million people – about 15% of the population – often or always feel lonely.  Their claim is that loneliness is more dangerous for your health than smoking 15 cigarettes/day (although I’m not sure how they measure that!).  

And this is what Jesus is taking care of from His cross.  He names Mary and John as relations.  He places Mary and John on the same page.  There’s a lot of freedom between them to determine what the arrangements will be.  But in the end, this is what a child guarantees to his mother:  You’re never going to be left alone; you’re not going to go without.

I’d like to quickly point to John’s phrasing, “from that hour.”  When the Lord has spoken and you understand He is directing you to attend to your family , and you see that there’s something that needs doing, DO IT RIGHT AWAY!

If nothing else is to be done, don’t wait to let your family know, to let your mom know, that you are there for them.  DO IT THIS AFTERNOON.

I’d like no one to leave without application.  So, in conclusion I’ll state the obvious: John and Mary weren’t actually biologically related.  And yet by the time Jesus died they were family, their destines were intertwined, they were accountable to each other, for one another.  

And so it goes on: Jesus still arranges for those who are not biologically related to become a family, not related by blood, not related by the will of man, but through the Lord Himself.  

We’re a family in Jesus Christ.  Toward the end of his letter to the Roman church, as Paul is dispensing greetings, he says: Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord; also his mother, who has been a mother to me as well.  (Romans 16:13)

In another place he gives instructions to the church this way: Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.  (1 Timothy 5:1)

From the cross Jesus is begetting a new human family.  This is not shallow.  If you join a new cell phone carrier, there’s a good possibility that you’ll receive a mailing that says “Welcome to the Sprint Family.”  

That’s a shallow use of “family.”  But Jesus is creating relationships that are written down in heaven, enduring forever, tied together by so many things: One body and one Spirit, one hope, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all.

Our Lord the Uniter!  Our Lord who has ascended into Heaven, the Man seated at God’s right hand, has united things in heaven and things in earth.  God reconciled to humanity…through the Man Christ Jesus. And in that same move humans reconciled to one another; Jesus has made peace by the blood of His cross.

And because of His cross, Jesus has brought together a family who has been forgiven for every sin, past, present, and future, ACTUALLY FORGIVEN, and is thus enjoined to extend forgiveness and compassion to one another. 

So, Church, even if your mother has passed into eternity, there is still application for you this morning: Behold your son.  Behold your mother.  Behold your brother.  Behold your sister.  

I knew of a church with an elderly lady who had children in the area but who weren’t believers.  Eventually they committed their elderly mom to a nursing home, and she spent the last 2-3 years of her life confined in a small room.  Her own children hardly ever visited her and groused about the inconvenience of picking her up for holidays.  However, the church members regularly visited all the way up to her death.    

Brothers and sisters: this morning, honor your mother and, however you can, make some returns for all her work toward you.  Before life and ministry take you elsewhere, make sure your parents are cared for.  Have they heard from you that you’re committed to them?

And this morning remembering all that God through Jesus has done for you, make some return by loving your mothers-in-Christ.  After you have taken care of your biological family, make your next concern the family of God.  To those aged women in the congregation who don’t have family nearby to care for them, you say: My mother, you’re not going to be left alone, you’re not going to have to handle your own window air conditioners, in late autumn you’re not going to have to lug in the stove pellets, I’m there for you. In fact, you always have a place in my own life and home.