1 Thessalonians 4:11

CAMDEN, ME — Longtime acquaintances confirmed to reporters this week that local man Michael Husmer, an unambitious 29-year-old loser who leads an enjoyable and fulfilling life, still lives in his hometown and has no desire to leave. 
Claiming that the aimless slouch has never resided more than two hours from his parents and still hangs out with friends from high school, sources close to Husmer reported that the man, who has meaningful, lasting personal relationships and a healthy worklife balance, is an unmotivated washout who’s perfectly comfortable being a nobody for the rest of his life.“I’ve known Mike my whole life and he’s a good guy, but it’s pretty pathetic that he’s still living on the same street he grew up on and experiencing a deep sense of personal satisfaction,” childhood friend David Gorman said of the unaspiring, completely gratified do-nothing. “As soon as Mike graduated from college, he moved back home and started working at a local insurance firm. Now, he’s nearly 30 years old, living in the exact same town he was born in, working at the same small-time job, and is extremely contented in all aspects of his home and professional lives. It’s really sad.” . . . Additionally, pointing to the intimate, enduring connections he’s developed with his wife, parents, siblings, and neighbors, sources reported that Husmer’s life is “pretty humiliating” on multiple levels.
Husmer’s ordinary life is debt-free and he is perfectly content to stay put while many of his high school friends go off to the bright lights and big cities. He doesn’t care about impressing total strangers every day as he climbs the corporate ladder, when he can invest in the lives of those closest to him. He doesn’t have a thousand “friends” on Facebook, just a close family and circle of friends in town. “I’m just glad I got out of there and didn’t end up like Mike,” said Husmer’s cousin Amary Martin, 33, an attorney at a large law firm who hasn’t seen Husmer, her closest childhood playmate, for nearly six years. “The last thing I’d ever want is to have a loving family nearby, feel a sense of pleasure when reflecting on my life, and be the big failure that everyone runs into when they visit home once a year for the holidays.”- from the Onion