On a walk with Tonia the other day and I took this photo and texted it to our family chat with the one word, “DEPORT!“
Church, settle down! Joking, of course! (The joke turns on the fact that Tonia isn’t an American citizen, but now that I’m having to explain it all the funny is leaking out.)
Anyway, our first born responded with this picture accompanied by these words: “Me, if Mom was ever deported.”
In one of Scripture’s surprisingly few direct comments on the blessing of children, we find this sentence: He – [the man who has a quiver-full of sons] – shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
In olden days the gate was something like a combination of city hall and courtroom – where deeds were registered, verdicts handed down. A place that tended toward corruption: bribes, simplistic judgments, extortion, lawyerly run-around and rigamarole, favoritism. That list could continue for a few lines…
A solitary man at the gate could be bullied, exploited, dragged along through endless labyrinths of justice delayed, justice obfuscated, eventually justice denied.
A man showing up with adult sons… who themselves are resourceful, cunning, adept at some weaponry, knowledgeable of how things should be and determined that they, in fact, should be, skilfull in speech, fond of their old man and concerned that their own children grow up around decency in the public square… that man with those sons: well, he shall not be put to shame.
There is the type of son that gives pause to your enemies as they make their plans and charge their devices against you. It’s a form of insurance to have such a crop of dangerous sons.
Among other good qualities, rear sons who are dangerous. Dangerous to men of evil devices. Dangerous to overweening governments. Dangerous to injustice of all types, including the type called vigilantism.
How?
- Educate for competency. Core: logic, communication, text interpretation, historical knowledge.
- Work at putting good stories (mainly in the form of books) in front of boys that will fill them with idealism, notions of courage and sacrifice, love of country and home, respect for women. Ask your pastor for suggestions.
- Crush self-pity.
- Don’t use baby-talk.
- Don’t feel sorry for boys, nor express to them how hard they have it. Ever. Related, don’t let them stare into the distance thinking sad thoughts.
- Get boys outdoors as much as possible.
- When you wonder why God allowed weeds, consider whether it was to train boys in tedious labor.
- When they’re old enough, play tackle football with your boys. If they end up crying, don’t coddle them but then don’t make fun of them. Just stand aside, check your tomatoes, and wait until they tell you they’re ready to resume the game.
- Fill their childhood with good memories. Especially around the table. And with extended family. Make much of holidays.
- Give boys plenty of alone time outside.
- Work at not being embarrassed by your boys as they go through stages that make you cringe. Grow a spine, Dad. Quit being a people-pleaser. Put your arm around that mumbling, zit-filled kid.
- Dads, wrestle your boys until you keep getting beaten. Then start the propaganda campaign.
- Let your boys wrestle each other. Keep the ER number on the fridge.
- Dads, treat your boys’ mom with love and respect. Never tolerate disrespect from them to her.
- Teach boys in detail how to work…do this over and over.
- Don’t be a fearful, spooked mother. Use your authority for fostering optimism and cheerfulness.
- Also, moms, don’t be needy/wimpy. Be a powerful woman, physically and emotionally clothed with strength, a Deborah, an Eve. Your boys could use that.
- Don’t conflate manliness with coarseness or ignorance. The fine arts, white collar work, ministry – all can be taken up in a masculine way. Remember, it’s not brutishness we’re after, but competence with toughness.
- Manliness can be expressed in several ways but at its core is physical toughness, diligence, courage, initiative, taking responsibility. Train for these.
- Get your boys around masculine music. The most masculine music? Surprisingly, Baroque. The least masculine? Less surprisingly, a tie between pop and hip-hop. (Much Christian music running a close second!)
- Set an example as a Churchman…and not as a generic Christian.
- Insist that your son deal with the details of Christian doctrine. Say ‘no’ to vague Christianity.
- If you can, use your contacts to help set up your boys for career success.