God, how old would she have been – 12? 13? Sans Ben and Liesel, as a family we were in CO hiking up 14K Mt Belford. Almost immediately from the trailhead Kai and Paul left us behind. About two miles in, still below tree line, the going was steep and Tonia, Tess, and I were having a rough time of it. Especially Tess. Let’s face it, she was slowing us down. So, in a “mom of the year” moment, Tonia told her daughter to head back down to the car and wait for us to summit and return.
1.5 hours and two grueling miles later, and Tonia and I are above tree line now ascending via lengthy switchbacks cut into the mountain. At 13,200’ we’re resting alongside another hiker who is looking into the distance and suddenly asks, “Is that person down the hill waving at you?” “Nope, not us.” But then…hold on… No way! Though she was too far away to make out her features, we recognized Tess by the color of her backpack. Tess…No way! Ten minutes later she has joined us, then collapses in a heap next to us. An hour later we summited.
Not a great storyteller and I realize I didn’t render the scene as anything memorable. But God, you know that on that mountain Tonia and I independently had the same thought: we got a strong-minded girl on our hands. Since then that impression has been borne out.
This gets me to something like a point. I want to tell you what I think I’ve observed: that in Tess you’ve deposited a heaping of her grandparents’ fine traits. For instance, that day on the mountain and plenty of times since I’ve seen Diane in Tess. Now I’m not stupid: I realize Tess and Diane have very little in common…except a certain steely resolve. Once they get something in their minds – a goal or an opinion or whatever it is – don’t expect any relinquishing.
Another grandmother, Monica, Tess knew only for a short time and mainly at a great distance. (Though Monica was on scene the night of her birth.). And yet, in the mysterious course of character known only to you, Monica has transferred qualities to Tess. Let me try to name a couple. First, they both possess the unusual combination of classiness + loving children. For some reason those don’t normally come together. Second, they are equally at home around both plain and fancy folk. God, don’t these have to do with the wisdom you have long possessed, the wisdom that takes delight in both the world and the children of men?
From Klaus to Tess has coursed his uncommon happiness. The elusive joie de vivre. I’m hoping that expressing the following doesn’t unleash an evil spirit who takes up the implicit challenge: I don’t know anyone as happy as Tess. What are the ingredients that make up her happiness? Pluck + diligence + humbleness + principled aversion to even thinking poorly of others. (Probably leaving out something important.) God, how rare happiness is and we’re grateful that for these years you’ve set it next to us, in our home.
Let me pause over something I just wrote. Since she was a little girl Tess was among a group of five friends who unimaginatively called themselves “the five five.” God, you know the truth: through the years around our dinner table there have been plenty of conversations about the happenings and trajectory of the girls who make up the five five – – and I’ve never once heard Tess voice any criticism about any of her friends. Zilch.
Did Clovis give Tess anything? Or, since they never met – God, did you carry good traits to Tess from her Grandpa? Well, she’s level-headed like he was. She gets directly to work as he did. Practical. A leader.
God, you know the perplexity of this life. By your will we pick up and carry our sons and daughters and they are heavy and we grow tired. But lo, over time we grow accustomed to the burden and now would fain continue to bear it, but soon – too soon – it is your will for them to depart. Sadness! Then happy memories with them turn torturous!
But besides wistfulness there’s another way: simply to be grateful. I’m trying to go there, God.
Grateful over these past 2.5 years to watch Tonia’s relationship with her daughters deepen. They’ve become good friends. In my memory I see Tonia, Tess, and Liesel sitting in the backyard of Lewis Street, Lakewood, CO.
Grateful for Saturday morning drives along the Charles River, usually in silence, en route to orchestra practice. For the memory of watching Tess during her sophomore year play organized sports, volleyball and soccer. She wasn’t coordinated, but she was aggressive (I think for girls the word is ‘spirited’) and a loudly supportive teammate. Playing her violin in the church gatherings. Hiking Long’s Peak – ok, only reaching the Keyhole. Standing alongside her on the porch in Highlands Ranch as we closed the 60th sale of the month at the last minute.
But more precious than specific memories is the love and exuberance that constantly ran through Tess over the years. A small/ not small case in point: whenever she leaves the house on an errand, no matter how small, there has to be a proper good-bye, a peck on the cheek, an ‘I love you.’ All to be done lightly, sprightly. And if ever I leave without going through the departure protocol a mild scolding awaits the next time she saw me.
In all these words about my daughter, my God, I don’t want to suggest that she was perfect. She belches loudly. Her bedroom is not just untidy but resides in a continual state that could be categorized as “post-apocalyptic welter land.” She isn’t a warm hugger. She needs to become more articulate. Too many times she’s called Liesel a “Butt.”
Whoever she is, this week she passes onto a new stage. Sure, she’s going to Vienna for only six months, but it seems she also leaves behind her childhood. From now on, visits home will be just that, a stopover en route to somewhere else. I think I see in Tess an unusual repository of goodness, much of it the inheritance of her grandparents. But she has my heart and objectivity is long gone. You know Tess. You know Tess, you her Creator and Tracker.
I draw near with my requests. To my drawing near to you, draw near to her. Now is the time to display your beauty to her. And, present to her a vision of your majesty and the greatness of your kingdom. Expand her perception. As she has learned to love, now let her learn to hate what should be hated. Take her into your service.
You remember in 2005 I traveled to CA to fundraise for Boston church-planting and I stayed with a family who had a charming little girl. Returning to Tonia and our three dull boys I proclaimed: this family needs a little girl. On 2/3/06 you gave us the brightness of Teresa Annie Landry. Thank you for these 18 years with her.
Now from heaven open your ears to her father asking you again: Take her into your service.
